I’m all in my feelings tonight. Or, I should say this morning. It’s been rough. This whole, love will prevail is kind of bullshit. At least for the moment. I keep thinking that at any moment we will both snap out of it and we will both go back to being in love. We’ll both go back to being everything for each other. But, that’s not the case. I feel like an idiot. I don’t know why I thought that tonight he would realize he loves me. I’m an idiot. It’s really just wishful thinking. I’m also an idiot because even if he did decide to love me, it doesn’t erase all the hurt he’s caused and would continue to cause if he decided to love me again. 

Before tonight, I was doing just fine. Not great. But I was fine. Not thinking about him, I could forget him. At least for a little while. 

But, buried deep inside me, are all the feelings I have for him. More than anything I want to stop loving him. 

I haven’t been able to make sense of much. I’m at a standstill. And I’m neither here nor there. I just exist, only not really. 

I’m trying not to overthink. I’m trying to let go. I’m trying to just be. But it all still feels like it’s too much. It’s always too much. 

My eyes are dry. I can’t feel. 

I’m powering through. Just barely.